I thought that life would be less busy after returning to the U.S.

False.

I feel like I have been going nonstop since returning from Thailand - well not counting my first three days back in the States when I was in an unconscious state due to jet lag and decongestant medicine.

I'm working two part-time jobs, doing freelance editing, getting involved in church, going to Zumba and hanging out with new and old friends. I absolutely love everything I'm doing, I just wish there was some way to add some extra hours to my days. Or become one of those people who can survive off of a few hours of sleep. Or have a magical coffee cup that never ran out. Mmmm. I want one of those in my hand right now, filled with a Skinny Vanilla Latte.

But enough of my daydreams, I have a short Thai lesson to prepare for a class at Evangel University. I thought I was ill-equipped to teach English, but teaching Thai will certainly bring out whole new levels of my inadequacy. I apologize in advance to Lauren Becker and any of my Thai friends who may one day meet the students who I'll be teaching. They will probably pronounce every vowel incorrectly. As for their tones, well, they'll likely be saying the wrong word at the wrong time every time they open their mouthes. But don't blame them. Blame their teacher. And blame Dr. Martindale for giving me this assignment.

Back to the Future

A post about Evangel wouldn't be complete without a photo from Spence First South. I'd like to think we've gotten better with age, please keep quiet if you disagree.

Starting this week, I am now working part-time at headquarters in the Office of Public Relations and part-time at Evangel University, helping Dr. Martindale (who recruited me to go to Thailand) with all of his Southeast Asia endeavors. Today I was at Evangel and attended chapel for the first time since I graduated nearly four years ago.

I have to say, it was a little strange.

All of the students looked so young! I certainly don't think I look old, after all, I woke up this morning to a broken-out face, which always brings out that pubescent teenage look I'm going for...but surrounded by of all those 19 and 20 year olds, I realized I do look older than a majority of the girls at Evangel. Even if they do have clearer skin.

Instead of wearing jeans and a sweater from American Eagle, my standard winter ensemble throughout high school and college, today I was wearing black dress pants, a cardigan and heels.

Rather than sitting in my assigned chapel seat with all of my S1S floormates, I was sitting next to Dr. Martindale on the very first row. Yikes. I remember times as a student when I unintentionally stared at people in the front row for a creepy length of time because they were in my direct line of vision.

And I hate to admit it, but during the first worship song, I caught myself thinking that the tempo was just a bit too youthful for my taste. (Ah!!! I don't want to be one of those people!)

At some point during chapel, I was struck by the thought that there is something very similar between where I am now and where I was four years ago, during the spring semester of my senior year. I'm in a place where I have no idea what God has in store next.

Four years ago, this total lack of direction had me completely stressed out and praying some desperate prayers. Combined with the stress of the extracurricular activities I was involved in, those worries manifested themselves physically and I would have terrible chest and stomach pains. Thankfully, a few weeks before graduation, God answered my cries for direction by bringing up the possibility of going to Thailand.

Flash forward to today. As I've mentioned in prior entries, besides leading the two-month trip to Thailand this summer, I once again have no idea what the future holds. Only this time around, I'm not too stressed. Sure, there are moments when I wish I had some idea what I'll be doing five months from now so that I could plan for housing arrangements or a job, but ultimately, I'm at peace. I can look back and see how incredibly God has provided for me over the past four years and trust that He will continue to do so. He is truly so faithful. Really, I am amazed as I pause to reflect on all God has done in my life since my graduation from Evangel.

I hope that as I interact with Evangel students in the next few months there will be opportunities for me to encourage some seniors who are totally stressed out about their post-college plans. They can trust God with their futures, even when there's no writing on the wall or audible voice giving them specific instructions.

And when those moments of stress arise in my own life, I'll be reminding myself of the same thing.

Today was my birthday.

I'm not always a huge fan of birthdays, but this one was pretty great. There was nothing extravagant or super exciting, mostly just quality time with friends, which is all I really wanted. They make even the simplest activities super fun. Lots of text messages and voicemails from faraway family and friends made the day even better. Tonight I am going to bed with such a deep feeling of thankfulness for all of the people God has put in my life. I love them a lot.

Gluttony 101

I think the dessert I just put in the oven is quite possibly the most unhealthy thing I've ever made. I was practically cringing as I combined the melted sugar and butter mixture with a heaping cup of peanut butter, thinking of the poor souls who will unknowingly consume so many calories tomorrow. What they don't know can't hurt them, right? At least not until their arteries block up in another 20 years.

Here's a link to the recipe. I decided to forego the frosting and added a ton of chocolate chips instead. It's the first time I'm using this recipe and I'm sharing these blondies with people I've never cooked for, so I'm a little nervous. I enjoy baking but it can be nerve-wracking making food for other people. Even when I lived with Hillary and Bethany (heyyyyy girls), I was always a little scared on the rare occasions that I cooked for them. Fear of food judgment.

Well, five more minutes left in the oven. I always feel a little anxious at this point in the baking game. There's a fine line between undercooked and overcooked. A fine, fine line.

Update:

I decided to take a picture of the blondies a few minutes before they finished baking. Feeling too lazy to go get my digital camera, I just put my Mac in front of the open oven to take a picture with photo booth. Perhaps with this dedication and such professional technique I'll be the next famous food blogger.

Two Worlds

I'm not sure why, but I never experienced much culture shock when I moved to Thailand and I have yet to encounter any moments of drastic reverse culture shock since returning to Springfield. Of course there are times when I think, "I'm not in Thailand anymore!" or wish that America on the whole was less ethnocentric, but overall, the transition back has been fairly smooth. Easier than I anticipated.

Even with my job back at headquarters. I thought I would feel like I was suffocating after a few days back in the office with the 8-4:30 routine. Instead, I'm remembering how much I enjoy public relations work. Especially this past week as I've been given some new tasks that challenge me and require me to think in new ways. I get a thrill from learning new information, sharing communication and being a very small part of planning big events.

And the fact that I like it so much scares me.

When I was in Thailand I couldn't imagine going back to a desk job. My life there was so relational and so filled with activity. Every day was an adventure and I loved soaking up every little bit of culture that I could. I felt as if that was the only way that I could live the remainder of my life. I would never be content with living in America.

And now here I am. Certainly eager and excited to return to Thailand in a few months, but at the same time, working a job that interests me and that I'm good at. In those moments when my work is most exhilarating and my abilities seem to mesh with the task at hand, I get scared. I'm scared that I'll get too content and comfortable in this Springfield routine, trapped in a little safe Christian bubble.

I don't have any profound conclusions on all of this now. Just thoughts to ponder as I continue to wait for God's direction for my future. After the two months in Thailand this summer, I have no idea where I'll be living. It's exciting, but a little scary. Scary, not because of the unknown, but because I never want to settle.

One of the things I'm enjoying most about being back in the States is being able to text my sisters and friends whenever I want to. There were so many times in Thailand when I wished I could just text someone a random memory or something funny that I was thinking about. So I'm trying to make up for lost time by taking full-advantage of my texting capabilities. This means my friends and family are being bombarded by meaningless communication from me on a daily basis. While I apologize if I'm driving you crazy, at this stage in my life, sending text messages is good for my soul.

I'm super glad I went with the unlimited texting plan. Thank you lady at T-Mobile and Mom for convincing me that was the right choice.

Baby's Had A Busy Day

Last week my dad emailed me this photo that was taken about 26 years ago, not too long before I was born. When this picture was taken my parents were only a year or two older than I currently am. A lot has changed over the years - my parents have had five children, two exchange students, two dogs, a psycho cat, a super creepy mouse named Butterscotch, several houses, a wide variety of slightly crappy cars that eventually died and many funny memories. Although, not all of the memories were funny in the moment - various vacation meltdowns come to mind.

While looking at this photo of my parents with their little babyish faces, one thing really struck me. Although there have been countless changes over the years, their hands still look exactly the same. Mom with her short fingernails, Dad with his hand posing and gold wedding band. I found comfort in seeing their familiar hands.

Hands that hugged me, patted my head, spanked me (I definitely deserved them), scratched my back, blow dried my hair well into middle school and touched my life in so many other ways.

I'm mostly sharing this photo because I know my dad will enjoy seeing it on here. Dad, you are my most faithful blog commenter and encourager, so consider this your shout-out. Holla! Or should I say, "Easier! Never!"